The Luncheon
It was twenty years ago when I was living in Paris. It had a small flat
and I was earning very little money. She had read a book of mine and had
written to me about it. I answered , thanking her and then I received from
her another letter in which she asked me if I would give her a little
luncheon at Foyot’s . Foyot’s is a restaurant at which French senators eat
and I had never thought of going there. But I was flattered and I was too
young to say “no “ to a woman. I answered I would meet her at Foyot’s on
Thursday at half past twelve.
She was not so young as I expected. She was in fact a woman of forty.
I was frightened when the menu was brought, for the prices were a great
deal higher than I had expected. But she said ,” “ I never eat anything for
luncheon. I wonder if they have any salmon.”
Well, it was early in the tear for salmon and it was not on the menu ,
but I asked the waiter if there was any . Yes, they had a beautiful salmon.
I ordered it for my guest. The waiter asked her if she would have something
while it was being cooked. “No”, she answered, “I never eat more than one
thing. Unless you have a caviar.”
I knew that caviar was very expensive and I could not afford it, but I
could not tell her that , I told the waiter to bring caviar. For myself I
chose the cheapest dish on the menu and that was a mutton chop.
Then came the question of drink.
“I never drink anything for luncheon”, she said.
“ Neither do I “, I answered quickly.
“ Expect white wine”, she went on.
“What would you like?” I asked her.
“ my doctor won’t let me drink anything but champagne.”
I order half a bottle . I said that my doctor had not allowed me to
drink champagne.
“ What are you going to drink, then?”
“Water.”
She ate the caviar and she ate the salmon. She talked of art and
literature and music. But I wondered what the bill would come to and
whether I had enough to pay it I knew exactly how much money I had and if
the bill came more I decided that I would put my hand in my pocket and with
dramatic cry get up and say my money had been stolen. If she had not money
enough to pay the bill , then the only thing to do would be to leave my
watch and say I would come back and pay later. At last she finished.
“ Coffee?” I said.
“ Yes , just an ice-cream and coffee”, she answered.
So I order an ice- cream and coffee for her.
“ you know , there’s one thing I believe in “ , she said , as she ate
ice-cream. “ one should always get from a meal feeling one could eat a
little more.”
“Are you still hungry?” I asked.
‘Oh , no. I’m not hungry, you see, I don’t eat luncheon. I have a cup
of coffee in the morning and then dinner, but I never eat more than one
thing for luncheon. You see , you’ve filled yourself with a lot of meat
and you can’t eat any more. But I’ve just had a snack and I shall enjoy a
peach.”
The bill came and when I paid it found that I had only enough for a
very small tip. Her eyes stopped for a moment on the three francs I left
for the waiter and I knew that she thought me mean. But when I walked out
of the restaurant I had whole month before me and not a penny in my pocket.
“ Follow my example “, she said as we shook hands,” and never eat more
than one thing for luncheon.”
“I’ll do better than that , I answered. “I’ll eat nothing for dinner
tonight.”
“Humorist!” she cried , jumping into a cub. “You’re quite a humorist.”
But I have had my revenge at least. Today she weighs about three
hundred pounds.
( After W.S.Maugham )
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