Running for Governor
A few months ago I was nominated for Governor of the great State of New
York ? to run against Mr. John T. Smith and Mr. Blank on an independent
ticket. I felt that I had an advantage over these gentlemen? And that was –
good character. It was easy to see by the newspapers that if ever they had
known what it was to have a good name? That time was gone. It was evident
that in the last years they had become familiar with all kinds of
shameful crimes . what discomforted me was having to hear my name mentioned
in connection with those of most disreputable people. Finally, I wrote my
grandmother about it. Her answer came quick and sharp. She said , “ You
have never done one single thing in all your life to be ashamed of – not
one. Look at the newspapers – look at them and you will comprehend what
sort of characters Messrs. Smith and Blank are, and then see if you are
willing to lower yourself to their level and enter a political campaign
with them.”
It was my very thought! I did not sleep a single moment that night. But
after all what could I do? I was fully committed and must go on with the
fight. As I was looking over the papers at breakfast this paragraph
attracted my attention and I may truly say I never was so surprised before.
“ PERJURY – Perhaps now that Mr. Twain is before the people as a
candidate for Governor, he will explain how he was charged . with perjury
in Wakawak,, Cochin-China in 1863 , when he attempted to rob a poor woman
and her family of their land which was their only support after the death
of her husband. Mr. Twain owes it to himself as well as to the great people
whose suffrage he asks , to clear this matter up. Will he do it?”
I was never so amazed, because I never had seen Cochin-China! I never
had heard of Wakawak! I did not know what to do , I let the day do by
without doing anything. The next morning the same paper had this- nothing
more:
“IMPORTANT – Mr. Twain , it will be noticed, has said nothing about the
Cochon-China perjury”.
Next came the Gazette with this:
“WANTED TO KNOW – Will the new candidate for Governor explain it
certain of his fellow citizens (who are suffering to vote for him) the fact
that his cabin-mates in Montana after losing things from time to time and
always finding them on Mr. Twain’s person or among his belongings ,at last
made him leave the camp and advised him never to return? Will he do this?”
But I was never in Montana in my life!
The next newspaper article that attracted my attention was the
following:
“ A SWEET CANDIDATE- Mr. Twain , who was to make a speech at the mass
meeting of the Independents last night, didn’t come . A telegram came from
his doctor stating that he had been injured in an accident and had to stay
in bed. The Independents tried to pretend they did not know what was the
real reason of his absence. A certain man was not Mark Twain himself. The
voice of the people demands: “Who was that man?”
it was incredible, absolutely incredible , that it was really my name
that was connected with this shameful suspicion.
Three long years had passed over my head since I had tasted whisky ,
wine or beer!
By this time the leaders of my party insisted that I answer all the
charges as it would be political ruin for me to remain silent any longer.
Besides, the following appeared in one of the papers the very next day:
“BEHOLD THE MAN !- the Independent candidate still m maintains silence.
Look upon your candidate, Independents !”
There was no possible way of these charges. But I never finished the
task. For the very next morning a paper charged me with new even more
shameful crimes. And , at last, as a climax , nine little children of
different colour were around the legs and call me Pa!
I gave it up. I surrendered . I was not equal to the requirements of a
Gubernatorial campaign in the State of New York and so I sent in my
withdrawal from the candidacy.
(After Mark Twain)
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